With the joyous celebration of the Party of Jesus National Convention not far in the future now, most have concluded that Senator McBush, a strong supporter of our faith-based invasion of Iraq based on a pack of lies, is the certain and definite candidate.
There will be much to celebrate this year. The bulk of the wealth in the country has now been transferred from the poor, who are known to squander their money on things like food and shelter, over to the filthy rich billionaires who vote Party of Jesus and manufacture our Christian weapons of mass destruction.
And in the Middle East our successes continue to multiply, each victory virtually assuring the next. Over a million Iraqi’s are no longer effective as terr’ists, since they are now dead. Shame about the straight to hell part. It’s a good thing we killed them before they could use all of those manned and unmanned aerial vehicles.
And the war itself is producing huge profits in San Diego as it blossoms and brings forth the true fruit of our efforts in Iraq. The Mission continues to have been accomplished over 5 years ago, and only thousands of US soldiers have been killed since our stunning victory in 2003.
All of Saddam’s nukular weapons were found exactly where Colin Powell said they were in his fact-filled presentation at the UN. It’s no wonder, since Colin Powell would never lie, let alone participate in a conspiracy to start a war of imperialist aggression based on a pack of lies, for example:
Saddam Hussein has held numerous meetings with Iraqi nukular scientists, a group he calls his “nukular mujahideen” — his nukular holy warriors. (Our Glorious Christian Leader)
Fortunately US troops were able to locate all 4,631 of Saddam’s nukular weapons, most of which he had hidden in the baby bottles of Iraqi infants. We also recovered 8,063 of his manned and unmanned aerial vehicles, some of which had a 30″ wingspan and were capable of flying 5,000 miles on an ounce of Satanic Iraqi oil.
But really the best part of our glorious war effort is the millions of Iraqi citizens who have embraced Jesus as their personal savior and adopted lives of peace, inspired by the example of Our Glorious Christian Leader and his efforts to spread God’s Love and depleted uranium munitions throughout the world.
So the Party of Jesus has a solid record of success, no doubt assisted by the most powerful deity in the universe, and their reputation for truth telling and factual accuracy is completely unimpeachable.
Many Iraqi citizens, formerly subject to torture by a brutal regime, are now free to enjoy democratically applied torture, a vast improvement in both style and technique. Nobody in Iraq need worry that they will be denied access to torture or false imprisonment because of their race, nationality, or political affiliation.
But what is up lately with Senator McBush? It seems he accidentally let loose something I thought we were not going to talk about IN PUBLIC! I’m certain that no executives from Shell, Mobil, or any other patriotic war profiteering oil company gave him permission to say that we went to Iraq for oil! If Senator McBush is suffering from some sort of a weird honesty compulsion maybe he is not suitable to run the world’s largest corporate government. So the Party of Jesus could be forced to reveal the real power behind the world’s most successful war machine, and just run Jesus directly for President. I mean, talk about patriotic, he already died on the cross once to preserve the American way of life, so he is obviously not some kind of a Demoncrat.
I say cut to the chase, put Patriotic Jesus on the ticket.
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