Party of Jesus

Not content to let South Carolina and Nevada scoop all of the Family Values headlines Party of Jesus California Assemblyman Mike Duvall went public with his support for the Sanctity of Extra Marital Affairs in front of a live microphone back in July. Representing obscenely Republican Orange County the married California Assemblyman decided to rave about the hot sex he had with a pair of ladies in front of a live microphone. When it comes to preserving the Sanctity of Extra Marital Affairs there is simply no organization that even comes close to the holy, righteous, sanctimonious Party of Jesus!

Once the scandal hit the press his fellow Party of Jesus legislators turned on him as fast as they might be expected to vote against equal rights for homos.

It appears that one of the hot babes that Duvall was boning was a lobbyist representing a corporation whose business he was charged with regulating. Our guess is that you are just as surprised as we are that a Party of Jesus legislator would be fraternizing in intimate ways with a lobbyist representing a powerful corporation.

Family Values and the Sanctity of Extra Marital Affairs are both registered trademarks of the Party of Jesus, a corporate political party officially sanctioned by the best Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy of them all. For some reason Assemblyman Mike Duvall seems to have resigned.

(story)

Technorati Tags: Party of Jesus, Sanctity of Extra Marital Affairs, Family Values, Mike Duvall, Orange County, Republican

The Party of Jesus, through their holy leader Sarah Palin, has exposed the sooper seekrit plans of Barack Obama to impose mandatory death panels on anyone stupid enough to believe anything Sarah Palin has to say.

In a special reveal of Party of Jesus dogma, Sarah Palin has exposed the brutal plans of our known Negro leader to require anyone over the age of 85, or anyone registered as a Republican, to submit to panels that will decide if they meet the mandatory death requirements.

We were lucky enough to get a sneak peek at the Death Panel component of the new health care bill. See if you qualify for the mandatory death policy.

Anyone who is:

1. A Known, practicing Republican
2. Opposed to gay marriage
3. Owner of a small business
4. Fundamentalist Christian
5. Health insurance executive
6. Opposed to government bailouts

If you match only 1 of the criteria above you will be placed on the Death Panel Standby List. This list is only used if the other criteria fail to meet the Kenyan Terr’ist Negro Non-Citizen Leader’s minimum death quota. Odds are you might be OK.

If you match up with any 2 of the criteria listed above you will be required to appear before your local Democratic Party Death Panel. Bring you Last Will and Testament with you, and please select an undertaker before you appear for your interview.

Should you happen to match more than 2 of the criteria listed above you will be sent to a US naval base located in a warm climate, kept in a cell without legal representation, and forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh broadcasts 24/7. Suicide assistance councilors will be available.

Technorati Tags: Palin, Death Panels, Death Camps, Birthers, Kenya, sooper seekrit

Former US Secretary of State and Iraq War Salesman Colin Powell has gone on the attack against the racist, sexist, obese drug addict Rush Limpblob and former Vice President Darth Evil.

Mr. Powell, once a highly respected man before he joined the conspiracy to persuade the American people to support a war of aggression based on a pack of lies, seems intent on regaining some of his former status as a moderate, thoughtful and patriotic man. Limpblob and Evil are intent on maintaining the insanely jingoistic, militaristic, and xenophobic characteristics that became so deeply ingrained in the Party of Jesus during the 8 year reign of a Jesus-loving gang of war criminals.

As long as racist, hate mongering drug addicts and immensely evil war criminals continue as the public political face of Jesus in America rational and decent citizens will continue to flee the Party of Jesus in droves. So let’s all hope that Limpblob and Evil continue as the official spokespersons for war crimes, illegal wars, violations of international law and other official Party of Jesus policies.

Of course we do not mind if Republicans pray for a resurgence of their party, since nothing fails like prayer.

Technorati Tags: Cheney, Powell, Colin Powell, Limbaugh, Evil, Republican, Torture, war crimes, Jesus

Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachman (Party of Jesus) has once again engaged in a no holds barred battle against her arch-enemy: Reality. In another psychotic rant far enough removed from reality to be worthy of drug addict Rush Limpblob, she complained today that the recent economic stimulus bill provided 5 billion dollars for the organization Acorn, which she stated is under Federal indictment.

In the real world Acorn is not under indictment and the stimulus bill does not provide any money at all to Acorn.

The extremely Jesus-brand Congresswoman also complained that many members of Congress have “a real aversion to capitalism.”

The Fundamentalist intellectual giant also claimed that the recovery package is part of a Democratic conspiracy to “direct” funding away from Republican districts, so Democratic districts can “suck up” all federal funds. Bachmann doesn’t think this will work because, as she put it, “We’re running out of rich people in this country.”

How just exactly like a Party of Jesus legislator to be worried about wealthy people. She does seem to know who her constituents are.

Technorati Tags: Michele Bachman, Minnesota, Acorn, lunatic, Jeebus, Fundamentalist, Obama, recovery bill

The famously insane Oklahoma State Rep Sally Kern (Party of Jesus) (website) has announced at a conference sponsored by the John Birch Society that she has found a secret copy of the infamous Gay Agenda in a book based on a musical that was, in turn, based on a story by Oscar Wilde.

Kern said the agenda is in a book called “After the Ball,” by Marshall Kirk and Hunter Madsen, a book named after a musical adaptation of Oscar Wilde’s “Lady Windermere’s Fan.” She recounted the bullet points of a secret public relations campaign to have gays accepted by the general public — step by step — with the final goal being not just acceptance of gays by heterosexuals, but eventual triumph of homosexuality as a superior lifestyle.

Among the items in the agenda, Kern said, was getting the public to view homosexuality as a matter of taste, like a preference for strawberry or vanilla ice cream. She quoted the text: “The masses should not be shocked and repelled by premature exposure to homosexual behavior itself.”

“You know,” Kern said. “I’ve done a lot of reading on this. I wish I could describe to you their behavior. I will not because I would be redder than this suit. It’s their behavior that we oppose.

“This theme of equality and freedom is the approach that the homosexuals are using today — totally perverting the true intention of what our Constitution meant. … The homosexuals get it — it’s a struggle between our religious freedoms and their right to do what they want to do.”

Around the banquet hall, Kern’s speech met with applause and calls of “Amen!” from a crowd stoked in a crucible of conspiracy and intrigue. For the whole day, the “Clouds Over America” conference, run and organized by the John Birch Society, held lecture after lecture Jan. 23 and 24 dedicated to explaining their various conspiracy-laden tenets. Here’s one — that a godless secret society, the Illuminati, has been battling against the founding of the United States of America and decent citizens to live in peaceful, worshipful freedom.

(source)

With Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich pretty much out of the picture, and George Warcriminal Bush hiding in Texas from prosecutors, US comedians can use a present like the one delivered by the famously psychotic, gun-toting Kern.

Sally became famous quite some time ago when a speech of hers was posted on YouTube including utterly preposterous claims, including that gays “are recruiting 2 year olds”. This prompted our own long ago YouTube response to Sally.

Technorati Tags: Sally Kern, Party of Jesus, Gay Agenda, recruiting 2 year olds, YouTube, John Birch Society, psychosis, homophobia, Lady Windermere’s Fan, Oscar Wilde, Oklahoma, Marshall Kirk, Hunter Madsen, Clouds Over America

The town of Tikrit in Iraq has erected a 6 foot memorial sculpture celebrating the journalist who threw his shoes at George Warcriminal Bush, the Party of Jesus war criminal and former President who did enormous damage for no good reason to Iraq and his own country.

The large copper coated shoe has a plastic bush inside for added comic relief. Artist Laith al-Amari says that his work was done in honor of Muntadhar al-Zeidi, the brave Iraqi journalist who expressed so dramatically the rage of a nation that was invaded based on a pack of lies.

Meanwhile in the United States columnist Joe Klein has suggested that we should create a statue in memory of the Party of Jesus decider who authorized torture. He suggested a statue of a hooded Abu Ghraib prisoner being forced to stand in one of the stress positions authorized by our former War Criminal President.

We’re happy to see the worst President in US history out of Washington. We hope that he will continue to be reviled and shamed as our great nation recovers from 8 years of Party of Jesus faith-based idiocy.

Technorati Tags: Tikrit, Iraq, Shoe, Memorial, Muntadhar al-Zeidi, Bush, war crimes, war criminal, Laith al-Amari, Joe Klein, Abu Ghraib

Convicted Party of Jesus bathroom troll and Family Values supporter, former US Senator Larry Craig, has dropped his appeal to overturn his confessed guilt in a bathroom trolling incident at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport.

The former Senator, who is not gay and never has been gay, previously plead guilty and signed paperwork admitting that he was guilty of activities in a now famous restroom that were interpreted as solicitation to engage in man to man sex. He is not gay. He never has been gay. He simply has a wide stance. And let’s not forget that the former Senator has got teh family values too!

Mr Craig has become a celebrity, and he was even honored by the St Paul Saints baseball team with a Larry Craig Bobblefoot Day. The team said that it was a “tribute to all their toe-tapping friends and fans from around the nation who may ever have set foot in Minneapolis-St. Paul… even for just a change of planes.” This is not to be confused with the Larry Craig Action Figure. In summary, former Senator Larry Craig was guilty when he said he was guilty, he was still guilty when he said he was not guilty and appealed his own admission of his own guilt, and now that he has dropped his I’m not guilty appeal to the Minnesota Supreme Court he is still guilty. And he is not gay. And he never has been gay. He just likes to provide oral service to strangers in public restrooms. Oh, and he has Party of Jesus brand Family Values too. Got it?

Technorati Tags: Family Values, Larry Craig, not gay, never has been gay, Wide Stance, Party of Jesus, guilty

Famous Party of Jesus Sexual Purity Tester and Anti-Blowjob campaigner Kenneth Starr has taken the starring role in the campaign to overturn my marriage, which obviously makes the Baby Jesus cry just as much as it would if I was a US President receiving oral sex in the Oval Office.

You may remember Starr from an earlier century in which he helped bring decency and morality back to the White House after we had suffered through 8 years of a President that did not order torture or invade foreign countries based on a pack of lies. His heroic and obsessive smear campaign against President Clinton endeared him forever in the hearts of witch hunt loving Fundamentalist Christians.

And now it is my turn to be the witch and enjoy the full slime and sleaze that will be sent my way from this devout Christian lawyer.

Starr has taken on the STARRing role in a new lawsuit brought by a coalition of Jesus-brand idiots to overturn my marriage and the marriages of about 18,000 other California same-sex couples. Of course it is obviously necessary for Starr to attack my Family’s Values since my marriage is harming him by

Technorati Tags: Kenneth Starr, Proposition H8, California, Same-sex Marriage, homophobia, idiotic religions, stupid religions, moronic religions, extremely stupid religions, ant-blowjob, sexual purity test

A study conducted by the United States Senate has found that George Warcriminal Bush is responsible for the reprehensible, illegal, immoral, despicable war crimes of torture he authorized and ordered through his fellow war criminal Donald “Death Star” Rumsfeld.

The Senate Armed Services Committee report concludes that harsh interrogation techniques used by the CIA and the U.S. military were directly adapted from the training techniques used to prepare special forces personnel to resist interrogation by enemies that torture and abuse prisoners. The techniques included forced nudity, painful stress positions, sleep deprivation, and until 2003, waterboarding, a form of simulated drowning.

 
This is not a study by some liberal, left wing, tree hugging peacenik group, this is the US Senate. They have found that our slimebag dirtball Warcriminal in Chief is responsible for the extremely reprehensible crimes he directed to occur.

Next we want to see a schedule for war crimes trials. The preceding 8 years of national shame and economic decline have been brought to you by the Party of Jesus – killing foreigners and bashing fags.

Technorati Tags: Bush, Torture, war crimes, Donald Rumsfeld, waterboarding, Senate, Armed Services Committe,

Jeebus.biz, a leading provider of religious ridicule merchandise, is proud to announce a brand new addition to their extensive collection of Jeebus-brand merchandise.

In response to California Ballot Proposition 8, also known as Proposition H8te, this graphic was designed by a gay man married to his gay partner in gay Palm Springs California. Jeebus is notequal to hate.

The new Jeebus ≠ H8te! design is now available on your choice of coasters, cutting boards, aprons, canvas tote bags, and a wide variety of men’s and women’s clothing styles. Yes, that’s right friends, Jeebus ≠ H8te.

If you have friends or relatives who are still suffering from ridiculous ancient religious delusions, why not get them a seasonally appropriate gift this holiday season. You can help remind your friends and relatives that their Imaginary Jewish Savior never once mentioned faggots in all of his make-believe years on Earth.

There are two primary reasons that Jeebus ≠ H8te, the first is the most obvious – there is no such creature. But, if you enter into the world of make believe and you accept myths like Tinkerbell and Jeebus, then it is important to remember that this made up character never once mentioned the dreaded Homosexual Agenda.

Buy lots of Jeebus stuff to give away this year, it’s a great way to promote the homosexual agenda!

Technorati Tags: Jeebus, Jesus, hate, homophobia, proposition 8, mormons, morons, Proposition h8te, california, constitution, gay rights, civil rights, same-sex marriage, same sex marriage, gay marriage, California election, ballot measure, ballot initiative, Focus on the family, Salt Lake City, protests