Party of Jesus

The Lieutenant Governor of South Carolina flaunted his Party of Jesus Family Values this week with a comment he made about financial assistance given to poor people.

“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed! You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that.”

As a representative of the Party of Jesus Andre Bauer incorporates the true essence of Party of Jesus Family Values, he treasures and deeply cares about multi-millionaires, billionaires, and the corporations they use to collect cash from poor people.

But of course if those poor people do end up reproducing they will be buying Pampers, toys, toddler’s clothes, and all sorts of products made by corporations owned by Republicans. So even though it does violate Party of Jesus values to show compassion for less fortunate people, at least this type of personal weakness will eventually make money for Party of Jesus supporters.

Party of Jesus US Congressman Steven King (Iowa -no relation to the author of the same name who is not a moron) has revealed the official Party of Jesus dogma that gay marriage is a purely socialist concept. No doubt his observation is based on the prolific writings of luminaries such as Karl Marx, Lenin, and Stalin promoting the Homosexual Agenda.

Or maybe it was that piece written by Satan recently in which he urged that taxes be raised on anyone opposing gay marriage and all of the proceeds derived should be used to fund elaborate wedding receptions with nearly nude teen boy dancers recruited by ACORN from Christian homeschooling families bursting from the wedding cakes with copies of Chairman Mao’s Red Book tucked in their skimpy thongs.

The Congressman clearly is on the side of Jesus in all matters of socio-economic philosophy since he said:

If there’s a push for a socialist society, a society where the foundations of individual rights and liberties are undermined and everybody is thrown together living collectively off one pot of resources earned by everyone, this is one of the goals they have to go through is same-sex marriage because it has to plow through marriage in order to get to their goal. Not only is it a radical social idea, it is a purely socialist concept in the final analysis.

Apparently socialism is what happens when Jeebus-brand morons don’t get their way, and if that young couple down the street is allowed to get married the ACORN trucks will pull up in front of Representative King’s residence and take away all of his worldly goods because socialism will have won and Christianity will be outlawed. Beware of slopes that are slippery!

Technorati Tags: Steven King, Iowa, Republican, Party of Jesus, Gay Marriage, Civil Rights, Equal Rights, ACORN, Socialism, Stoopit

The Party of Jesus, through their holy leader Sarah Palin, has exposed the sooper seekrit plans of Barack Obama to impose mandatory death panels on anyone stupid enough to believe anything Sarah Palin has to say.

In a special reveal of Party of Jesus dogma, Sarah Palin has exposed the brutal plans of our known Negro leader to require anyone over the age of 85, or anyone registered as a Republican, to submit to panels that will decide if they meet the mandatory death requirements.

We were lucky enough to get a sneak peek at the Death Panel component of the new health care bill. See if you qualify for the mandatory death policy.

Anyone who is:

1. A Known, practicing Republican
2. Opposed to gay marriage
3. Owner of a small business
4. Fundamentalist Christian
5. Health insurance executive
6. Opposed to government bailouts

If you match only 1 of the criteria above you will be placed on the Death Panel Standby List. This list is only used if the other criteria fail to meet the Kenyan Terr’ist Negro Non-Citizen Leader’s minimum death quota. Odds are you might be OK.

If you match up with any 2 of the criteria listed above you will be required to appear before your local Democratic Party Death Panel. Bring you Last Will and Testament with you, and please select an undertaker before you appear for your interview.

Should you happen to match more than 2 of the criteria listed above you will be sent to a US naval base located in a warm climate, kept in a cell without legal representation, and forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh broadcasts 24/7. Suicide assistance councilors will be available.

Technorati Tags: Palin, Death Panels, Death Camps, Birthers, Kenya, sooper seekrit

The Party of Jesus suffered yet another defeat today when a woman that is not even Caucasian was confirmed by the US Senate as the next justice to serve on the US Supreme Court. I mean, she’s not even white!

These are lean days for the Party of Jesus as they are forced, over and over again, to suffer defeat at the hands of an enemy that does not even use homophobia or fear tactics to whip up support from dumbasses.

Even with their armies of Limbaugh-loving thugs that recently disrupted Democratic House members in their home districts the Rethuglicans still don’t seem able to win at anything except disruption and the fear of a queer planet.

But really, it’s bad enough that they had to stomach having another woman on the court, one that is not even a millionaire, but a Hispanic woman? It’s no wonder their hero Limpblob is fit to be tied. It’s almost enough to make you feel sorry for the tools of big business and the Jeebus industry, not quite, but almost. Ok, not at all.

Technorati Tags: Sotomayor, Supreme Court, Hispanic woman, Party of Jesus, Republican, Rethuglican, racism, Limbaugh

Former US Secretary of State and Iraq War Salesman Colin Powell has gone on the attack against the racist, sexist, obese drug addict Rush Limpblob and former Vice President Darth Evil.

Mr. Powell, once a highly respected man before he joined the conspiracy to persuade the American people to support a war of aggression based on a pack of lies, seems intent on regaining some of his former status as a moderate, thoughtful and patriotic man. Limpblob and Evil are intent on maintaining the insanely jingoistic, militaristic, and xenophobic characteristics that became so deeply ingrained in the Party of Jesus during the 8 year reign of a Jesus-loving gang of war criminals.

As long as racist, hate mongering drug addicts and immensely evil war criminals continue as the public political face of Jesus in America rational and decent citizens will continue to flee the Party of Jesus in droves. So let’s all hope that Limpblob and Evil continue as the official spokespersons for war crimes, illegal wars, violations of international law and other official Party of Jesus policies.

Of course we do not mind if Republicans pray for a resurgence of their party, since nothing fails like prayer.

Technorati Tags: Cheney, Powell, Colin Powell, Limbaugh, Evil, Republican, Torture, war crimes, Jesus

About 20 years ago the Republican Party entered into the sacrament of Holy Marriage with the Religious Right, it was at this time that they became, for all practical purposes, the Party of Jesus. Today a very high percentage of elected Party of Jesus legislators are actively Bible thumping idiots, for example Sally Kern in Oklahoma and Michele Bachmann in Minnesota. These people are so completely driven by their Jeebus-brand Sanctity of Bigotry that they do not even realize how obvious is their insanity to rational, normal people.

More and more, as issues relating to civil rights and immigration are splashed across the headlines, the ultra-right wing loonies in the Party of Jesus open their mouths and destroy even more of the tiny bit of credibility still maintained by their wingnut political organization.

Of course the real, actual agenda of the Party of Jesus has always been to steal from the poor and give to the rich. Back, oh so many years ago, when they entered into a sacred union with the fundietards of America, the billionaires who actually run the party figured it would be great to sucker in a bunch of religious bigots who had already demonstrated their high degree of gullibility by ordering their lives around an ancient book of scrolls from a warring, genocidal, primitive middle-eastern tribe.

Time after time mega-rich Party of Jesus candidates have spooned out the bigotry during their campaigns, but failed to deliver the fag crushing blows they promised once they were elected. These are the original Republicans, the billionaires and the tools of the billionaires.

What the über-greedy, wealthy, traditional Republicans failed to anticipate was the way the bigots for Jeebus would infiltrate their organization and force it to become a political group of the bigots, by the bigots, and for the Holy Bigot Warriors of Jeebus.

Now we have a situation where it has become perfectly obvious to the rational majority of Americans that the Party of Jesus is really the Party of Nutjobs. And so, we believe, it is the end result of the marriage between billionaire manipulators and bigoted fools that has brought the Party of Jesus to its present day crisis. Perhaps they are reaping as they have sown.

Technorati Tags: Sally Kern, Michele Bachmann, Party of Jesus, Sanctity of Bigotry, Billionaires, wingnuts, bigotry, Jesus

Reality continues its relentless campaign of conflict with nearly everything that batshit crazy Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachman (Party of Jesus) says. Among her most recent pearls of Republican dogmatic anti-wisdom are such absolute ungems as:

• This country is running out of rich people (perhaps because of poor Party of Jesus vote counts?)
• ACORN is under federal indictment for voter fraud, the stimulus bill nevertheless gives ACORN $5 billion. (In the world of objective reality, ACORN is not under federal indictment and is not mentioned in the stimulus bill at all.)
• Many members of Congress have a real aversion to capitalism. (probably they are all Demoncrats)
• the stimulus bill includes a measure to create a “rationing board” for health care, and after the bill becomes law, “your doctor will no longer be able to make your healthcare decisions with you.” (Doctors are often able to treat paranoia these days)

Truly the Party of Jesus has now fully completed its transition into the party of Fundamentalist Nutjobs for Jeebus.

Technorati Tags: Michele Bachmann, Batshit Crazy, Party of Jesus, wingnut, paranoia, Republican, Minnesota