Party of Jesus

On Wednesday March 28, 2007 Our Glorious Christian Leader issued a direct order to the Demoncrat-controlled Congress telling them he wants more money for more useless killing that fattens the wallets of war-industry Party of Jesus CEOs. He does not want the Demoncrats to tell him he has to stop the killing, because then the war-industry profits might be affected. Plus think of all of the poor oil billionaires at Exxon/Mobil and Halliburton. These Demoncrats have no compassion for war profiteering multi0millionaires, none at all.

And no more of this sneaky trying to stick non-death expenditures in there either! The primary export of the United States of America is death, and that is because the decider decided to deceive.

So, for those stoopit intellekchual libruls in Congress, here is the summary:
It is up to the Decider to decide what the people want.
It is up to the Decider to ignore what the people want.
It is up to the Decider to make sure the killing does not stop.
It is up to the Demoncrats to follow direct orders from the Decider.

How much propaganda does the Decider have to catapult before these Demoncrats will surrender? Does Karl Rove have to expose lurid details about the spouse of each and every Demoncrat?

Technorati Tags: Democrats, Bush, Our Glorious Christian Leader, Congress, Vietraq, Iraq, budget, veto

The Los Angeles Times is reporting a dramatic drop in Party of Jesus participation, as is evidenced directly by a decrease in persons that are willing to describe themselves as Repugnicans in public.

Instead, in a move that must certainly make the Baby Jesus cry, more Americans are choosing to align themselves with the liberal homo agenda of the Demoncrats. Clearly this is the work of Satan!

You can help protect our freedom by threatening Demoncrats with bodily harm or anti-Demoncrat ballot initiatives if you witness a Demoncrat spouting their Satanic spew. The Party of Jesus is now recruiting members for a new political action initiative, Transcendent Repugnicans Opposing Liberal Left Satanism (TROLLS) to enter into Internet discussion forums and chat rooms and also post comments on leftie blogs to help defeat the Demoncratic liberal homo agenda.

You can do your part today, help the Baby Jesus to stop this persistent sobbing, be a TROLL for Jesus! If enough of us threaten violence or claim to have detected Worldwide Mental Distress (WMDs) that may require military action, then we can succeed in bullying and frightening people back into the Party of Jesus. Praise be to Our Glorious Christian Leader! Amen. Protect the sanctity of illegal wars of aggression!

Technorati Tags: Repugnican, Demoncrat, Republican, Democrat, Jesus, trolls, survey, liberals, war, Iraq, Our Glorious Christian Leader

Long considered as a leading candidate for hypocrite of the year, former US House Speaker and Party of Jesus Cardinal Newt Gingrich has said, in front of witnesses, that a person’s personal life should not be considered as they run for President in 2008.

This may be a slight change in thinking for good old, sincere, honest, Newt. We seem to be able to recall a time when Newt Gingrich, as the official attack predator of the Party of Jesus, thought that personal lives were not only a public matter, but could even become the basis for articles of impeachment against a US President.

Now that Newt has sucked up to the Religious Reich we can certainly expect to receive more of this sort of moral guidance. Perhaps Newt will eventually reach the high moral standing of Our Glorious Christian Leader. Here are some tips we think might help Newt Gingrich to improve his standing as a true teacher of moral values and reach that high plateau set by the current Pope of America, Our Glorious Christian Leader:

• Campaign against equality for gays without ever describing the harm you seek to prevent
• Enter into a conspiracy to promote a war of aggression
• Lie to the whole world about the country you’d love to invade
• Viciously attack anyone who exposes your lies
• After you invade deny your original reasons
• Every month or two, make up a new lie about your illegal war
• Declare victory prematurely
• Predict the end, or actual victory, is just around the corner
• While busy causing the deaths of thousands, blame your opponents by claiming they don’t support our troops
• Never, ever, mention the word impeachment, we realize this is a change for you

We hope this ideas will help Newt to continue to fool and exploit the Party of Jesus faithful. Amen.
And remember that a vote for the Party of Jesus is a vote to Support Our Troops by getting lots more of them killed. Amen. Praise Him!

Technorati Tags: Party of Jesus, Republican, Newt Gingrich, hypocrite, affair, impeachment, support our troops

A group of several fake Christians betrayed their country on Friday, March 16th 2007 by demonstrating and marching in supposed opposition to Our Glorious Christian Leader and his peaceful efforts in Iraq.
Do not be deceived by these librul shamsters that claim to be Christians, most of them were not even armed, and they did not identify the homosexuals responsible for organizing this so-called homo agenda demonstration.

The librul press was there, cameras in hand, taking every chance they could get to oppose the will and the spiritual guidance of Our Glorious Christian Leader.

The Secret Service had already moved Our Glorious Christian Leader to a safe haven at Camp David so that he would not be forced to witness this shameful rejection of his peace-loving and fact-based policies of invading nukular terr’ist nations with lots and lots of yellow cake being prepared for a gala Osama bin Hussein terr’ist birthday party.

Party of Jesus clergyman will be re-sanctifying the White House sidewalk areas this weekend to drive out the demonic forces of pacifist librul fake Christian agents of Satan left behind by these terr’ist lovers.

Technorati Tags: peace, demonstration, White House, Christians, Bush, Iraq, Satan, nukular, Osama bin Hussein

Archduke Karl Rove of the Party of Jesus announced late on Friday the winner of the 8th annual Party of Jesus Tshirt design contest.
This years winning design was submitted by a home-schooled 14 year old Party of Jesus worshipper named Kent. Kent attends school right in his own trailer park in Tennessee, and is an expert on ancient history, focusing on the pre-Cambrian era almost 6,000 years ago.

Some of the runner up designs featured slogans that were equally patriotic/devotional such as a fish eating a donkey, an elephant searching for nukular weapons under the sand, and a conga line of dancing, naked prisoners smeared with feces.

As his prize Kent will receive a gilded copy of the specially edited Party of Jesus version of the Bible and a pamphlet on the most successful birth control method ever developed: abstinence.

Technorati Tags: Party of Jesus, devotional, Karl Rove, 2008 campaign, Tennessee

A leading Party of Jesus theologian who doubles as the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has offered a teaching on the subject of morality. All Americans realize that the Party of Jesus is their best source for moral guidance, at least during commercials on Fox News. Or is that the programming?

The people of America were glad to hear the pronouncement on morality today that was offered by the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Marine Gen. Peter Pace.

“I believe homosexual acts between two individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts,” Pace said.

Pace did not comment on the morality of dropping bombs from an altitude of 35,000 feet on a civilian population. He said nothing about whether it is naughty or nice to randomly imprison civilians with no charges and torture them mercilessly until they die or become boring. He did not indicate whether he approves or disapproves of the idea of invading a nearly defenseless foreign country based entirely on a pack of lies.

Gotta watch those queers though.

Technorati Tags: Peter Pace, Joint Chiefs of Staff, Marine, Marines, Morality, Pack of Lies, Invasion, Homosexuality, Queers, Party of Jesus, Dogma, Theologian

Revealing once again their satanic plans to promote the homo agenda, Congressional Demoncrats are trying to slip immoral uses of taxpayer money into pending legislation in defiance of Our Glorious Christian Leader.

Promoting their librul agenda, the Demoncrats have modified a bill to originally intended to provide money for more patriotic killing of foreigners in their own country by injecting funds allocations for typical librul causes like farms, flu preparedness, New Orleans levees, home heating and other librul causes.

The Party of Jesus is doing God’s work by sending more soldiers, guns, and death to Iraq in order to stop Saddam Hussein from rising from the grave again. But these librul servants of darkness are only concerned with their pet causes like food, medical care, and saving lives. Faithful members of the Party of Jesus and the grateful nation they protect fully realize that if we don’t keep up the killing in Iraq there will soon be nukular weapons being dropped on every American city by the terr’ist air force.

If these librul Demoncrats get their way all the money that could otherwise be funneled to God-Fearing war industry executives will end up being wasted by saving the lives of useless poor Americans who don’t even have stock options on Lockheed Martin.

Show your support and your patriotism by forcing your congressional representatives to follow the will of the people, and keep spending 80% of our national budget on our important exports like bombs, tanks, humvees and death and other Family Values. Just say NO to Demoncrats. Jesus naturally supports the Party of Jesus, and the Party of Jesus exports death because it is Jesus’ will.

Technorati Tags: Rahm Emanuel, Demo0ncrats, Judd Gregg, Sam Farr, Congress, Our Glorious Christian Leader, David Obey, Party of Jesus, Jim Costa, Earl Pomeroy

The forces of Satan hang like a dark cloud over Washington DC this weekend, as evil Demoncratic homo liberal intellekshuls are plotting a terr’ist campaign with accusations of impurity against Archbishop Darth Cheney, the world renowned spiritual leader of the Party of Jesus.
Archbishop Cheney, who often assists the Pope in promoting world peace and reconciliation, has become the target of a Demoncrat plot to call his high moral standing into question.

The UK media has exposed the Demoncratic plot to use their she-devil ex-CIA agent Valerie Plame in a scheme to sow the seeds of doubt in faithful Party of Jesus worshippers. You can expect homosexual elitist liberals to make a big fuss, claiming that Our Glorious Christian Leader and his spiritual counselor, Archbishop Cheney violated the Party of Jesus moral standards of Family Values and Packs of Lies.

Mrs Plame and her commie husband have been claiming that Archbishop Cheney conspired to get even with them when they attempted to promote the Homosexual Agenda with their lies about the Nukular Material that terr’ists were selling to Osama bin Hussein in Iraq.

Send your donations to the Archbishop Cheney Impeachment Defense Fund by buying Exxon/Mobil petroleum products and sending your kids to help in the hunt for the secret Nukular Weapons Labs we all know that Osama bin Hussein is still hiding.

Technorati Tags: Darth Cheney, Party of Jesus, Valerie Plame, Joseph Wilson, Iraq, Republican, Congress

Demonstrating the unmistakably pious attitude of any Party of Jesus legislator, State Sen. Raymond Finney (Party of Jesus) has introduced legislation that would formally request an answer from Education Commissioner Lana Seivers as to whether or not an Invisible Bearded Sky Daddy actually created the Universe so that everyone could vote for the Party of Jesus.

The Senator is the son of two deceased Tennessee school teachers, so he is well aware of the satanic plots of the Scientific Lifestyle. He supports Intellijint Desine, and he wants answers from Education Commissioner Lana Seivers about why the Book of Genesis is not being taught in Science Classes in the world famous and intellectually advanced Tennessee Publik Skool Systum.

We have been unable to determine how many cars are jacked up on cinder blocks in front of the Senator’s mobile home, but the median figure for all Tennessee residences is 3.1 vehicles, of which 48% are Ford Torinos with customized hoods.

Visit the Senator online to express your support for his sighintiffic resurch. There you will find a suggestion that you should “bookmark your PC” for future visits.

Technorati Tags: Tennessee, Creationism, Party of Jesus, Republican, Fundamentalist, Science, Morons

If there is one group of people that Americans can turn to for moral leadership, it certainly is the Party of Jesus. And among the many devout followers of the Party of Jesus code of honor, no beacon shines brighter than Newt Gingrich.

His tireless efforts to expose and confront the insincerity and hypocrisy of Satan’s Demoncrats have elevated Family Values to a new level in Washington, DC.

Indeed, it is Newt’s sincerity and honesty that has inspired such other great religious leaders as Ted Haggard and Lonnie Latham, with the guidance provided by Newt’s spiritual leadership the Party of Jesus has reached new heights in opposing those who would lie and deceive to gain political power.

In Texas, Warren Chisum has been able to expose the sooper-seekrit Jewish conspiracy to make the Baby Jesus cry by teaching science in science classes.

And who could possibly forget the promises made by Newt to return honesty to our government. Many believe that Our Glorious Christian Leader was directly inspired by Newt in his tireless efforts to bring integrity back to the White House and counter the Homosexual Agenda.

Remember when you vote Party of Jesus you are supporting the high moral standing of folks like Newt Gingrich and the thousands of TV Evangelists he has inspired.

Technorati Tags: Party of Jesus, Newt Gingrich, Family Values, Hypocrisy, Ted Haggard, Lonnie Latham, Homosexual Agenda, Fundamentalism, Evangelists, gay rights