Party of Jesus

The former White House lawyer turned bozo Attorney General Alberto “Torture Time” Gonzales got a taste of what it is like to be tortured today when librul homo Demoncrats in the US Senate attacked him just for being a low life sleazebag political whore for Our Glorious Christian Leader. Isn’t the Attorney General supposed to fire US District Attorneys if they have the nerve to investigate Party of Jesus felons?

Next you’re probably going to say that the Attorney General is supposed to uphold quaint ancient documents like the Geneva Conventions or the US Constitution. We know your type.

Besides, he replaced most of those annoyingly competent US Attorneys that were investigating Party of Jesus criminals with genuine graduates of the Pat Robertson Theocracy School of Law, so it’s a win win for the Party of Jesus.

What’s all the fuss about?

Technorati Tags: Party of Jesus, Torture, Alberto Gonzales, Demoncrats, Senate, attorney general, corruption, Republican

Cardinal Romney, a leading provider of Party of Jesus anti-gay bigotry, has announced that he wants to resurrect the dead rotting corpse of the Federal Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment. Sort of an Easter theme, you roll back the stone and then you pretend the amendment ever had a chance in the first place. You may recall that Vicar Karl Rove used the gay marriage card in 2004 to lure the Party of Jesus faithful into a peaceful and relaxing feeling that they would be protected by Our Glorious Christian Leader from terr’ist gay couples wanting to destroy the fabric of society.

It worked in 2004 for Our Glorious Christian Leader, so Mitt figured his announced support for the dead as a fucking doornail anti-gay marriage Amendment might just help position him as the Party of Jesus candidate that hates fags more than any other Party of Jesus hatemonger.

There is no convenient method we could use to measure how sincere Mitt really is when he positions himself as supporting this deceased cause. We could look at his previous comments in support of civil rights for gays, but that was a flip before he flopped. Of course there is always that old saw about his lips moving, but that applies to all politicians across the board. Fortunately it is possible to make some measurements of Mitt’s honesty if we look at some of his other recent campaign utterances.

Earlier this week Mitt was campaigning in New Hampshire. While speaking to a man who was wearing an NRA baseball cap, Mitt said ”I purchased a gun when I was a young man. I’ve been a hunter pretty much all my life.” Mitt may have been bending the truth so far it’s a wonder he did not crack his magic underwear. Mitt has gone hunting twice in his life.

So, Mister Magic Underpants, tell us how as President you would manage to pass an anti-gay marriage amendment to the US Constitution when it requires a two-thirds majority in Congress, and currently only 40% of our Congress is made up of rabid Party of Jesus homophobes? Is this another one of your magic underwear tricks? Or do you have a hunting rifle up your sleeve?

Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney, gay marriage, hunting, Federal anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment, Party of Jesus, lifelong hunter, magic underwear

The spiritual counselor to Our Glorious Christian Leader, Vicar Karl Rove, was pelted with objects and subjected to mean words last night as he was leaving the American University campus. The world renowned proponent of ethics and high moral standards in politics, Vicar Rove, had just given a lesson in spirituality and morality to a group of Party of Jesus youth.

The brazen crowd of infidel libruls who assaulted the Vicar had gathered at the school to promote their abortion-loving homo agenda, treating the Vicar as if he were some sort of a criminal mastermind that might plot stolen elections followed by wars of aggression based on a pack of lies. You might think that the Vicar was some kind of underhanded, evil-doing mastermind that plotted revenge against would-be peacemongers, the way this crowd of baby killers treated him.

Fortunately Our Glorious Christian Leader was nowhere near the scene of this disgusting show of librul free speech with their so-called right to assemble and petition the government for a redress of grievances. Naturally Our Glorious Christian Leader will continue to completely ignore the will of the people as he Crusades forward with his well-accomplished missions.

Technorati Tags: Karl Rove, American University, Our Glorious Christian Leader, Josh Goodman, Young Republican Club, Party of Jesus, moral leadership, ethics in politics

The new governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetss, Deval Patrick, has made the Baby Jesus cry by reversing a legally meaningless act of pious bigotry done by his predecessor, Mitt Romney, who is now campaigning for the position of US President and Religious Leader of the Party of Jesus.

Former Governor Mitt Romney was certainly wearing his magic underwear when he issued an order to state employees not to create official records of the marriages of out-of-state gay couples who journeyed to Massachusetts to enjoy perfectly legal marriages. It has been legal for gay couples to marry in Massachusetts for over 3 years now, and not a single bigoted Fundamentalist politician has suffered in any way, except one. Mitt Romney wants to appeal to the base instincts of Fundamentalist homophobes. He wants to be the most rabidly anti-gay candidate in the Party of Jesus, but Mitt has an uphill battle on his hands.

While Mitt certainly had nothing to do with legalizing gay marriage in Massachusetts, the fact that he is the former governor of a state that grants equal rights to all of its citizens leaves him at a big disadvantage against potential candidates like Senator Sam Brownback – who hails from the notoriously bigoted for Jesus state of Kansas and has been demonizing queers for many years in the US Senate.

Mitt needed a way to pose as being really, really, spitefully anti-gay, it is an important part of religious piety in the Party of Jesus. And if Mitt wants to win the big Party of Jesus Presidential candidate nomination prize, he needs to come across as hating faggots more than any other candidate.

Well, the new governor of Massachusetts, the Honorable Deval Patrick, has pointed out the fact that the gay marriages Mitt Romney ordered state employees not to record were completely and perfectly legal. He added the observation, which is obviously true, that his predecessor was just being a bigot when he issued the order. “It appears like the prior administration was politicizing a routine administrative function” said Governor Patrick.

As for Mitt Romney, I sure hope that his magic underwear helps him to come across as really, really, viciously anti-gay to the Party of Jesus faithful. Oh, and fuck you Mitt.

Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney, Massachusetts, Deval Patrick, gay marriage, bigots for Jesus, Sam Brownback, Kansas, Party of Jesus