Party of Jesus

Our Glorious Christian Leader has once again demonstrated his faith-based conservative compassion by using his veto power to crush a new law that would have increased funding for those annoying poor and middle class children. Since it is his God-given assignment to protect the income of wealthy Party of Jesus contributing multimillionaires and war profiteering Republican run corporations.

These darn poor kids hardly ever grow up to vote Party of Jesus, and if they were not so darn poor they would not need this government program, so any devout Party of Jesus faithful person can see it is their fault for being poor.

Besides, a year of this increased medical care for mere children would cost as much as a week of The People’s Glorious War in Iraq – another faith-based initiative of Our Glorious Christian Leader. So it is easy to see that spending our grandchildren’s taxes on killing foreigners in their own country is a much better way of funneling taxes to the makers of red-blooded American Weapons of Mass Destruction.

It is no wonder Our Glorious Christian Leader decided to veto this bill. It’s the kind of a bill that only liberals would support. Our Glorious Christian Leader vetoed the bill in private to avoid questions about the laughing and the smirking.

Technorati Tags: Our Glorious Christian Leader, veto, health bill, child care, SCHIP, legislation, Glorious People’s War

In a last ditch effort to win over the Fundamentalist Bigot vote, the largest remaining bloc of Party of Jesus voters, Magic Underwear Mitt has stated his belief that “Freedom requires religion, just as religion requires freedom.” Now as a magic underwear wearing Mor[m]on, Mitt is well known for preposterous beliefs based on laughable fairy tales, but his suggestion that a person can not have freedom unless they are afflicted with religious delusions goes way beyond stupid and puts him in a league with Iranian political leaders.

Would Mitt have us believe that no American citizen can possibly have religious freedom unless atheism is made illegal? Did this inDUHvidual actually say that without the burden of preposterous ancient superstitions a man can not be a free man?

Certainly religious freedom is a good thing, we support it without any reservations. If it were not for idiots like Magic Panties Guy who could we ridicule and mock? Yes every man. woman and child should be free to believe the most ridiculous crap imaginable if that makes them happy, or if it makes them unhappy for those that prefer to be such.

We would never wish to outlaw religion, because without a certain percentage of wingnuts that profess these preposterous ideas the rational people might soon forget just how remarkably stupid religious delusions really are. And, as you may have noticed, we derive a great deal of satisfaction from mocking religious nutjobs.

Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney, Magic Underwear, Freedom requires religion, theocracy, Fundamentalism, nutjob, Mormon, Mor[m]on, nutter, Jeebus

The devout Party of Jesus Senator from Idaho, Larry Craig, will have to say he is not gay 8 more times after today. The Idaho Statesman reports today that 8 men have described in detail either having sex with the gay/not gay Senator or having had the gay/not gay Senator solicit gay sex with them. But the Party of Jesus Senator is not gay.

Party of Jesus Senator Craig is a pious man who struggles valiantly to deny each and ever persistent rumor. At times it must seem as though some people think that just because he has gay sex with gay men he might be gay. But in reality all Party of Jesus legislators are devoutly homophobic in Jesus’ name.

So, it is obvious that Party of Jesus Senator Craig is a devoutly homophobic Christian Family Values man that simply has gay sex sometimes with gay men, and tries to have gay sex with men that are not gay, but he, the Party of Jesus Senator, is absolutely positively not gay and he never has been gay, and he is not gay. Just ask him. He is not gay.

David Phillips is a gay 42-year-old information technology consultant in Washington, D.C., who says Craig picked him up at a gay club in 1986 and that they subsequently had gay sex in a gay way. But the Party of Jesus Senator is not gay.

Mike Jones is a gay former prostitute who told the world he had gay sex with the Rev. Ted Haggard last year – who, like the Party of Jesus Senator from Idaho, is also not gay. The former Colorado Springs evangelist at first denied it but eventually confessed. Jones says Craig paid him for gay sex in late 2004 or early 2005. But the Party of Jesus Senator is not gay.

Greg Ruth was a 24-year-old gay college Republican in 1981 when he says he was hit on by Craig for gay sex at a Republican meeting in Coeur d’Alene. But the Party of Jesus Senator is not gay.

Tom Russell, now 48, is a gay former Nampa resident who lives in Utah. Russell said his gay encounter with Craig occurred at Bogus Basin in the early 1980s and involved gay sex. But the Party of Jesus Senator is not gay.

Jones, who is 50 and gay, told the Statesman that Craig paid him $200 to have gay sex with him on a night between November 2004 and March 2005. Jones said he recognized Craig only after he became a big story in August. But the Party of Jesus Senator is not gay.

Another gay man, a 46-year-old professional from Boise, told the Statesman that Craig reached his hand into his restroom stall in September 2006 during a layover at the Denver airport. The man, who travels in political circles, had met Craig before. He asked that he not be named by the Statesman.

The man said he was flying from Boise to Washington, D.C., on the same flights as Craig and Craig’s wife, Suzanne. Denver, like Minneapolis, is a key connecting hub for flights between Boise and Washington.

During the layover in Denver, the man said he was in a men’s restroom stall when a hand came under the divider and reached toward him. The hand was palm up, as the officer in Minnesota also described, and slid toward him for two or three seconds. The man said he noticed unpolished, dark, lace-up shoes worn by the man in the next stall. He did not respond to the gesture. But the Party of Jesus Senator is not gay.

Everybody knows that the Party of Jesus consists exclusively of not gay Family Values Christians. And the Party of Jesus Senator from I Da Ho is not gay.

Technorati Tags: Larry Craig, Idaho Statesman, Tom Russell, resigning, not resigning, gay, not gay, Greg Ruth, wide stance, David Phillips, never have been gay, bathroom stall, toilet sex, Republican party, Family Values, Idaho