Party of Jesus

In a bold departure from official Party of Jesus dogma, California Governator Schwarzenegger has stated his opposition to a proposed California constitutional amendment that would preserve the sanctity of bigotry. Usually Party of Jesus operatives exploit gay civil rights as a wedge issue and draw out the Jeebus Votin’ Joe 6 Pack ‘phobe contingent. Experts estimate that up to 40% of Alabama voters fit this category, but the Governator is in notoriously sinful California.

The Governator was speaking to a comedy touring group with members that pretend to be simultaneously both Republican and gay, the group is known as the Log Cabin Republicans.

“I will always be there to fight against that,” the governor said to thunderous applause at the convention of the Log Cabin Republicans, a national gay Republican organization.

It must be noted that he was addressing a group of possibly gay men in denial about the Party of Jesus policy of exploiting gay issues for political gain, or participating in it for money. Had he been speaking to a group of former Mike Huckleberrybee supporters perhaps a diferent tune might have been sung.

Still, non-aggression from the Governator is at least a distinct improvement for queer Californians.

A group of Party of Jesus millionaire TV evangelists has issued an ultimatum to Senator McBush not to choose former Massachusetts governor Mitt of the Magic Underwear Romney as his Vice Presidential candidate or else they will aim their armies of attack drones for Jesus directly at Senator McBush. The very wealthy coalition of Jesus-industry professionals acted in an effort to prevent a Mor[m]on from becoming one very old man’s heart attack away from the Presidency.

If the Party of Jesus picks Romney we could see Christians attacking the most Jesus candidate in the race. Certainly neither Barack or Hillary is anywhere near as Jesus as Senator McBush is, just by being the de facto Party of Jesus candidate McBush gets 300 extra lives, 1,000 Jesus points, and a photo of the Pope in his most expensive pair of Prada shoes. In addition, once the convention finalizes the nomination, Senator McBush stands to gain an autographed copy of the late Jerry Falwell (still dead!) rubbing suntan oil into the beefy shoulders of a semi-nude Pat Robertson in their secret Key West love nest.

But with the corporate leaders from the Jeebus industry breathing down his neck, Senator McBush has to be careful not to lose any Jesus points by picking the wrong nutter. Imagine, McBush dies and a real, honest, actual theocratic fascist nutter becomes President. Look what the one we have now has done.

Praise Him!